THE THREE MAJOR BENEFITS OF MEDIATION IN FAMILY LAW CASES

  1. Saves Time and Money

Mediation is almost always significantly quicker and less expensive than litigation. For divorce and custody cases, or any other type of dispute, mediation is a more peaceful and cost effective alternative.  In mediation, a mutually acceptable resolution can often be reached in a day, or in a few sessions over the course of a number of weeks. In contrast, litigation can drag on for months or even years. In litigation, communication typically takes place between the attorneys by letters or emails, and disputes are resolved in court hearings before a judge, causing lengthy delay. On the other hand, Mediation’s efficient approach to information-gathering and decision-making allows for rapid progress to be made. If an issue or a dispute arises in mediation, it can be addressed immediately, while the session is taking place.

The quick timeframe of mediation can also shorten the amount of time that family members have to endure the stress and anxiety of unresolved issues and unknown futures, and it can save tens-of-thousands of dollars in attorney fees and litigation expenses. This is a huge benefit of mediation.

  1. Reduces Stress

In most situations, mediation is far less stressful than litigation. The main reason for this is because mediation is conducted in a neutral setting, like a mediator’s office or conference room (or these days, even by Zoom), rather than in a courtroom. And the mediator is a professional neutral who does not represent either party. The mediator does not have the power of a judge and cannot impose a judgment on either of the parties. His/her only job is to help the parties reach a mutually acceptable resolution. Most of the time, the mediator, the parties, and their attorney (if they have one) will sit in one room around a table and discuss all of the issues. In more high conflict situations, the mediator may place both parties in separate rooms, and go back and forth between them to try to negotiate a solution without any direct contact between the parties.

Another reason that mediation is less stressful is because there is much more flexibility than in litigation. This flexibility allows for a cooperative approach rather than a combative engagement where everyone is left feeling exhausted and frustrated.

  1. You Remain in Control

Mediation is a voluntary and confidential process where the parties participate in the discussions and decisions. The mediator is acting as a facilitator and not as a judge, and either party is free to walk away at any time if they decide they no longer wish to participate. This gives each party a real sense of control, as opposed to litigation, where getting up and walking away is not an option and a judge has the power to impose a solution on the parties that neither of them may be happy about.

I recently went in front of a judge who told my client and the opposing party, “I don’t know you, and I don’t know anything about your family. If you proceed with litigation, I will listen to you both for probably a total of 3 hours at trial, and then I will have to decide how your property is divided and how you raise your children. If you can resolve this outside of court, you will save time, money, and stress, and most importantly, you will have some say in the outcome.” — This really resonated with my client, and quite frankly it resonated with me. Mediation allows for both parties to have control over the process and the result. This control can be extremely empowering. A mediator will work with both parties to help them make decisions that are in the best interests of their family.

The bottom line is this: If parties are able to negotiate a mutually acceptable agreement in mediation, they tend to be happier with the outcome and are far less likely to return to court for future disputes and have to spend money on attorneys and courtroom battles.

At the Law Office of Gary J. Frank P.C., our attorneys are experienced mediators who can explore options and help parties negotiate an agreement peacefully and less expensively. When we are not acting as mediators, but rather representing clients in litigation, we often recommend that they participate in mediation with another experienced mediator. In that setting, we can appear with our client at the mediation and help them negotiate an agreement from a position of knowledge and strength.

If you are interested in mediating your Family Law dispute, feel free to call us today.

By Logan Matura

 

At the Law Firm of Gary J. Frank P.C., our Arizona Family Law Attorneys Gary Frank, Hanna Amar, and Logan Matura are strong litigators and compassionate counselors. Gary Frank is a Phoenix Family Law Attorney with over 30 years of experience as a litigator and mediator. He has also acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, and served on the Governor’s Child Abuse Prevention Task Force. Law firm Partner, Hanna Amar is a highly-skilled Arizona Family Law Attorney with a passion for Family Law and children’s issues. She has extensive courtroom experience, and is also a certified mediator. Hanna has also acted as the President of the Young Lawyer’s Division of the Maricopa County Bar Association. Associate Attorney Logan Matura is an Arizona Family Law Attorney who received her Juris Doctor degree from New York Law School in Manhattan, NY. While in law school, she served as an intern for a Family Court judge in the Bronx, NY, and was a member of the Family Attorneys Mobilizing club. Logan is passionate about children and families, and provides expert representation for her clients. Our firm handles Family Law cases in the areas of divorce, custody (now called “Legal Decision-Making and Parenting Time), relocation (move-away), division of property, spousal and child support, modification actions, enforcement actions, grandparent and step-parent and non-parent rights, as well as other matters pertaining to families and children. If you are in need of a consultation, call us today at 602-383-3610; or you can contact us by email through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.   We look forward to hearing from you.

The A-B-C’s of Divorce

Divorce can be stressful and confusing. It’s always good to have a plan. So to assure that your divorce goes smoothly, follow these steps – from A to Z. 

A – Ask questions – If you have a question for your attorney, ask it! Asking questions can help you to stay informed and ease any anxiety you may have.

B – Be smart – Think about everything you do and say before you do it, or say it. You should always assume your ex (or soon-to-be-ex) is recording your phone conversations and taking screen shots of your texts, emails, and posts on social media, and that the judge will eventually see them.

C – Create a checklist of things you need to do – After you make the decision to get a divorce, start keeping a list of things you need to do (get any documents together, speak with an attorney, etc.) It will keep you well-organized and prevent you from forgetting something important.

D – Don’t get caught up in your feelings – Try not to make decisions based on your emotions throughout this process. Wait until the storm has passed and you can think more clearly. That’s not to say you can’t have feelings and emotions—you can, and you should. Allow yourself to feel however you are feeling, but don’t act in the heat of the moment; you’ll certainly regret it later.

E – Every case is different – You may have one friend who is telling you how quick and easy her divorce was, while your other friend went through a divorce that took years and was extremely high conflict. Don’t compare yourself to others. Every case is truly so different!

F – Focus on the moment – Take things one step at a time. Thinking about the past and dwelling on things you both could have done differently will not help, nor will thinking about the future and worrying about how things will change. Live in the moment and take it day by day.

G – Get your documents organized – Organize everything! Get copies of any tax and income documents, bank and credit card statements, signed contracts, real estate documents, insurance policies, documents related to investments or retirement accounts, estate planning documents, etc. Getting things together now will save you lots of time, energy, and money in the future!

H – Have reasonable expectations – Try and remember that sometimes things are not as quick and easy as you’d like. Be patient and understand that the divorce process can be long and often exhausting. Try to manage your expectations and be as realistic as possible. If you’re not sure what to expect, talk to your attorney.

I – Identify what makes you happy – Focus on what makes you happy during this difficult time of your life. Find a new hobby, spend time with friends, practice self-care, etc. Do whatever you have to do to feel good!

J – Journal – Keeping a journal is probably one of the best decisions you could make throughout this process. In this journal, jot down all events involving custody and visitation, any conversations you might have had with your soon to be ex, etc. You don’t have to include too many details—just keep it accurate and to the point. That journal could later refresh your memory when the trial rolls around, and you might be able to use it in court to prove that something happened on a certain date.

K – Keep the other parent informed – If you have children, make sure you are keeping the other parent in the loop. Let them know if the child is sick and you made a doctor’s appointment; or of any upcoming school events, conferences, breaks, etc. Send them copies of any report cards, doctor’s notes, and anything else you think they might want to see. Having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex will help your children tremendously in the future.

L – List out your property – On top of compiling lots of documents, it will be super helpful for you to make a list of all your property, such as furniture, vehicles, and other personal items. Be sure to differentiate between property you came into the marriage with, property you got during the marriage, and property you received by gift or inheritance.

M – Manage your stress and anxiety – Try and deal with any stress or anxiety you may have in a positive way. Don’t look to drugs or alcohol, that will certainly not help you in the long term. Getting outside, exercising, eating right, meditating, and practicing self-care are all really great ways to manage your stress and anxiety. It’s also never a bad idea to speak with a licensed therapist; they can teach you techniques to manage your stress and help you talk through your feelings in a really positive way.

N – Never share with others what you have discussed with your attorney – Conversations you have with your attorney and their staff are protected by attorney-client privilege. Once you share what was discussed in your conversation with others, that conversation is no longer privileged and confidential, and you or your attorney could be forced to disclose it in court.

O – Oaths are taken seriously by the court – When you sign court documents, speak in a deposition, or speak in court, you are doing so under oath. Any discrepancies in your stories will lead to a loss of trust by the judge and ultimately can subject you to perjury. Just tell the truth and you will not have to worry!

P – Pace yourself – Divorces can take quite a while to be finalized. Be patient and don’t rush it!

Q – Qualifications are important, but so is how an attorney makes you feel – When you are looking for an attorney, don’t just look at their credentials. While credentials and experience are extremely important, so is how you “click” with your attorney. An attorney should make you feel comfortable and heard.

R – Refrain from speaking negatively in public about your ex – This is truly one of the most important pieces of advice I could give to someone go through divorce. Do not speak negatively about your ex to others, do not speak negatively about them to their friends or family, and most certainly do not post about them on social media!!! This is especially true if you have children. It will not do you any good to badmouth your ex, and it could hurt your court case.

S – Substantiate your claims – Document everything! Organize documents you already have and keep any documents you get throughout this entire process. On top of important documents like tax returns and bank statements, keep other documents like photos, copies of emails, and copies of text messages. These may all be helpful throughout your case.

T – Talk about alternatives to litigation – We believe it is never a bad idea to look to alternatives to litigation, such as mediation, whenever possible. Mediation can be a really peaceful, cost-effective option for both parties. It allows you to be in charge of negotiating the terms of your own divorce and property division, rather than leaving those important decisions to a stranger (the judge).

U – Understand the law and your rights – While it is important to trust that your attorney has a good understanding of the law and your rights, it’s also very important for you to have a basic understanding of those things, too. Having a genuine understanding of the law will help you to make the best decisions possible for you and your family. Take the time to do some research, read some books, and most importantly, ask lots of questions of your attorney.

V – Value the advice you are given – Those who truly value and consider the advice they are given by their attorney are those that are most successful. With that being said, ultimately only you know what’s best for you! Don’t be afraid to talk to your attorney if you are uncomfortable about the case plan.

W – Work hard to keep the peace – It can absolutely be difficult at times to deal with an ex without losing your cool. However, the more you keep the peace, the easier and quicker the process will be! (P.S. – Compromise is a good thing, but that doesn’t mean giving-in to unreasonable demands.)

X – Xpect some stress – Okay, I know this doesn’t actually start with an “x” but it’s close enough! Throughout the process, you can expect that there will be some stress. You will likely feel overwhelmed at times. If you don’t feel like you can deal with the stress on your own, look to a licensed counselor to help you get through it, and lean on family and friends as a source of support.

Y – You do have some control over the outcome – While ultimately there are some parts of divorce that you do not have control over, there are some parts that you do. Make wise decisions, and when in doubt, ask your attorney for advice before you act.

Z – ZZZ (Get some rest!) – Ok, “z” is a hard letter to come up with something for! But really, get those “ZZZs” and make sure you sleep well. Being well rested will help you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

By Logan Matura

 

At the Law Firm of Gary J. Frank P.C., our Arizona Family Law Attorneys Gary Frank, Hanna Amar, and Logan Matura are strong litigators and compassionate counselors. Gary Frank is a Phoenix Family Law Attorney with over 30 years of experience as a litigator and mediator. He has also acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, and served on the Governor’s Child Abuse Prevention Task Force. Law firm Partner, Hanna Amar is a highly-skilled Arizona Family Law Attorney with a passion for Family Law and children’s issues. She has extensive courtroom experience, and is also a certified mediator. Hanna has also acted as the President of the Young Lawyer’s Division of the Maricopa County Bar Association. Associate Attorney Logan Matura is an Arizona Family Law Attorney who received her Juris Doctor degree from New York Law School in Manhattan, NY. While in law school, she served as an intern for a Family Court judge in the Bronx, NY, and was a member of the Family Attorneys Mobilizing club. Our firm handles Family Law cases in the areas of divorce, custody (now called “Legal Decision-Making and Parenting Time), relocation (move-away), division of property, spousal and child support, modification actions, enforcement actions, grandparent and step-parent and non-parent rights, as well as other matters pertaining to families and children. If you are in need of a consultation, call us today at 602-383-3610; or you can contact us by email through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.   We look forward to hearing from you.

 

HOW TO PREPARE CHILDREN FOR A DIVORCE

Each year, over 1 million American children are affected by their parents’ divorce. How each child reacts depends on many factors, including their age, personality, and of course, the circumstances surrounding the divorce or separation. Many times, the initial reaction of children is one of shock, sadness, frustration, anger, or worry. However, with enough planning, you can handle your divorce in a way that doesn’t have to feel like your kids’ world is crashing down on them. If dealt with appropriately, many kids can come out of divorce mentally stronger and better able to cope with stress.

Here are some tips to prepare your children for divorce and ease the transition:

Preparing to Deliver the News

When figuring out how to deliver the news to your children, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page about how you will tell them what’s happening. It would be a good idea for you and your spouse to do some sort of “dress rehearsal” to prepare exactly what you are going to say ahead of time. Even if you feel like you can barely be in the same room as your spouse, it’s important to at least present a united front to prevent your kids from feeling like they are being pulled into taking sides. Children do significantly better with the news of divorce when their parents are positive and aligned.

Breaking the News

              Make sure that when you deliver the news to your children, you are doing it at a time when stress is low and nobody has plans for at least a few hours, that way they have a little bit of time to work through their initial reaction. Making this announcement and then sending the kids to school, for example, might make it very difficult for them to focus.

Additionally, this conversation should ideally take place in a quiet, safe space—perhaps their backyard, living room, or any other space that is comfortable and free of distractions. If your children have electronic devices with them, make a rule for everyone to put their devices away during the conversation.

What specific words and phrases you decide to use during the conversation will, of course, depend on the child’s age, maturity, and temperament. However, the discussion should always include this message: what happened is between mother and father and is in no way the child’s fault. The reason for this is that many children will feel that they’re to blame even after parents have said that they are not, so it’s important to keep reiterating this message. Make sure that your child knows that your decision is strictly about adults needing to be apart due to differences.

While you are obviously going to need to discuss what will be changing in your children’s lives and daily routine, it is equally as important to focus on what will stay the same. Divorce can be extremely destabilizing, so telling your children what will not change may provide them with some comfort.

Handling their Reactions

Every child will react to this news in their own way. Some children react very strongly initially and then slowly begin to adjust and accept it, while others seemingly take the news in stride and then exhibit signs of distress days, weeks, or even months later. Either way, these are normal reactions—they are grieving the loss of a family. Remind them that it’s perfectly okay to feel however they are feeling and that you are there to help them through the transition. And if you aren’t sure how your child is feeling about the divorce, just ask them.

As children continue to react, they will likely have many questions, including where they will live, where each parent will live, where they will go to school, if they’ll still get to see their friends, etc. Be as honest as you can, even when it isn’t easy. If you don’t have an answer to something, tell your child that you will let them know as soon as you figure it out.

Helping Kids Cope and Adjust to their New Normal

As time goes on, children will begin to adjust to their new life with divorced parents. This can be difficult at first, however, there are a few things you can do to help them better adjust:

  • Stay consistent. Whenever possible, minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or changes. Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort and familiarity for children. Don’t try to make your children feel better by relaxing limits, letting them act out, or buying them things. This can backfire, possibly making your children more insecure and less likely to recognize your parental authority later.
  • Encourage communication. Tell your child that it’s okay to talk about their feelings and ask questions, but don’t push them. Let your child vocalize how they are feeling if they want to. If your child doesn’t want to talk about the divorce, don’t try to engage in a conversation about it—they may not be ready yet. Let them know that you are available if and when they are ready to talk about it. Do your best to co-parent with your soon-to-be “ex.” Parents need to communicate and consult each other on major decisions, so that the children know that their parents are on the same page. Let them know that both of their parents love them and are looking out for their best interests.
  • Have a therapist on call. Before you even announce your split to your kids, it might be a good idea to line up a therapist. Providing children with a neutral place to express their feelings can help them process some of the big emotions they’re going through. It’s good to have your child start with a therapist before they start showing signs of behavioral changes.
  • Don’t fight in front of the children. Studies have shown that post-divorce conflict in front of the children can lead to mental health issues down the line. Openly arguing in front of the kids can make them feel like they are stuck in the middle—something that no child should ever feel. Additionally, this conflict can set a really bad example for them, especially when they are still learning how to form their own relationships. Whether you and your ex decide to go to mediation, therapy, or just argue outside of the children’s earshot, do whatever you have to do to keep the kids out of it.
  • Don’t talk poorly about one another. This can be a tough one but try your best not to lay blame on your partner to your children, even if there has been serious hostility or infidelity. This will just lead to your children feeling like they have to pick a side, which, again, is something that no child should ever feel. If you can, make a pact with your ex to not ever talk poorly about each other in front of the child.

Ultimately, changes of any kind are hard for kids. Stay patient, stay consistent, and know that you and your children will get through

By Logan Matura

 

At the Law Firm of Gary J. Frank P.C., our Arizona Family Law Attorneys Gary Frank, Hanna Amar, and Logan Matura are strong litigators and compassionate counselors. Gary Frank is a Phoenix Family Law Attorney with over 30 years of experience as a litigator and mediator. He has also acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, and served on the Governor’s Child Abuse Prevention Task Force. Law firm Partner, Hanna Amar is a highly-skilled Arizona Family Law Attorney with a passion for Family Law and children’s issues. She has extensive courtroom experience, and is also a certified mediator. Hanna has also acted as the President of the Young Lawyer’s Division of the Maricopa County Bar Association. Associate Attorney Logan Matura is an Arizona Family Law Attorney who received her Juris Doctor degree from New York Law School in Manhattan, NY. While in law school, she served as an intern for a Family Court judge in the Bronx, NY, and was a member of the Family Attorneys Mobilizing club. Our firm handles Family Law cases in the areas of divorce, custody (now called “Legal Decision-Making and Parenting Time), relocation (move-away), division of property, spousal and child support, modification actions, enforcement actions, grandparent and step-parent and non-parent rights, as well as other matters pertaining to families and children. If you are in need of a consultation, call us today at 602-383-3610; or you can contact us by email through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.   We look forward to hearing from you.

Ratings and Reviews