WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY LAW, “THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS”

People seem to always pine for the “good old days.”  And, sure, there is plenty to complain about today, but America in 2015 is far more tolerant, compassionate, and evolved than at any time in U.S. History — or maybe even human history.
 
When I was growing up in the 1960’s . . . 
 
 Cohabitation was scandalous;

A female who had sex before marriage was a “slut” (but the same was not true for a male – after all, he was just being a guy);
 
Children born out of wedlock were referred to as “bastards” and were shunned by society through no fault of their own;
 
Interracial marriage was against the law in most states.  An interracial couple could be arrested, convicted, and sentenced to prison for the mere “crime” of falling in love and getting married;

Bi-racial children were shunned, too;
 
Interfaith marriage was considered an abomination – couples who married outside of their faith were often excommunicated from their church and disowned by their families;
 
Gay marriage was not even something people could dream about.  Sodomy laws were in place in every state, making homosexuality illegal.  And those laws were used to prosecute gays.  “Coming out of the closet” meant risking becoming the victim of societal abuse, both legal and physical;
 
Divorce was not just frowned-upon – the law made it almost impossible to get out of a bad marriage.  It was not enough to show that the parties were no longer in love or that they found it impossible to live together.  To obtain a legal divorce required a husband or wife to prove sufficient “grounds,” such as abandonment, abuse, or infidelity.  Women often came away from divorce impoverished, regardless of the lifestyle they enjoyed during the marriage.  And to be a divorced person, or a child of divorce, was seen as a public embarrassment;

Mothers were almost always awarded sole custody of the children by the divorce court.  And regardless of how active and involved a father might have been in his children’s lives – he was given only “visitation”;  

Domestic violence was rampant, as it is today.  But, back then, it was considered a parent’s right to keep his or her children in line by the use of corporal punishment, however severe.  And if a man chose to abuse his wife it was viewed as a family matter, and nobody else’s business;
 
Women had few employment opportunities.  “A Woman’s Place is in the Home” was not just a saying – societal rules were built to make sure that women remained economically helpless and subservient.  Universities had quotas for women and many jobs were off-limits, including executive-level positions in banks and corporations.  Women, no matter how capable and intelligent, were offered employment mainly as factory workers, teachers, administrators, or secretaries.  There was no “glass-ceiling” for women — instead, the ceiling was made of concrete.   So were the walls.  To break through those barriers took a herculean effort;  

For a father to stay at home and take care of the children was unheard of — it was not considered “manly.”  Fathers were locked into the role of “Provider.”  And being the sole source of income for the family was a responsibility that left little time for dads to be loving, nurturing parents to their children. 



Looking back on the “idyllic days “of the past is a fantasy.  The “good old days” weren’t really so good.  In fact, in many ways, life has never been better than it is right now.  

Want to know the truth?   These are the “good old days.”

 

Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  In addition to representing Family Law clients in litigation, we are also willing to help people by working with them on a Limited-Scope or Consultation-Only basis.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  We can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach us through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today.  We’d be happy to help.

 

 

“COUNCIL ON SHARED PARENTING” CONCLUDES THAT SHARED PARENTING IS GOOD . . . REALLY?

 
What’s wrong with this picture? . . . 

The First International Conference on Shared Parenting” has published a “Research Consensus Statement” following a July, 2014 conference organized by the International Council on Shared Parenting (ICSP).  In their report, the experts concluded that shared parenting is in the best interest of the majority of children whose parents divorce.  Psychology Today refers to the study as “groundbreaking” . . .
Really?  Should be we surprised that the “International Conference on Shared Parenting” would conclude that shared parenting is a good thing?  Isn’t that a little like the “Conference for Legalization of Marijuana” concluding that marijuana should be legalized?  It doesn’t mean they’re wrong.  It’s just that their conclusions are . . . well . . . not all that astounding.  I mean, hey, is the Council on Shared Parenting going to say that shared parenting is harmful? 
I’m all for shared parenting.  But I also believe that in determining an appropriate parenting plan, the Court should make its decision on a case-by-case basis, without the use of blanket presumptions.  Where children are involved, a one-size-fits-all approach is not always wise.
This “groundbreaking” conference was organized by the “International Council on Shared Parenting” – that, in itself, could lead one to believe that the findings may have been tainted by bias. 

. . . Just saying . . . 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201407/research-consensus-statement-co-parenting-after-divorce


 The Law Office of Gary J. Frank has been a fixture in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, Arizona for over thirty years.  Gary Frank is a Family Law litigator, a mediator, and a former Judge Pro Tem.  Our firm handles a wide array of cases, such as divorce, domestic partnerships, custody, relocation, paternity, child and spousal support, division of property and businesses, modification and enforcement actions, grandparent and non-parent rights, and all matters relating to families and children.  If you are in need of a consultation, please do not hesitate.  Contact us today.  You can reach us by telephone at 602-383-3610, or by email at [email protected], or through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  We’d be honored to help 
 

PARALLEL PARENTING CAN HELP HIGH-CONFLICT MOMS & DADS PARENT EFFECTIVELY

I’m going to tell you three things that every divorced parent should know:

  • When a mom and dad are able to effectively co-parent following a divorce, their children have an excellent chance of growing up to be healthy and well-adjusted adults;
  • On the other hand, children who grow up with parents who are openly angry and hostile toward each other can develop long-term emotional problems that will plague them throughout their lives and could adversely affect their own relationships.
  • But the good news is that parents who find it difficult or impossible to co-parent cooperatively can still raise happy, emotionally healthy children by effectively using a technique known as “Parallel Parenting.”

If you are divorced, it’s likely that you and your former spouse didn’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things while you were married.  Communication is a difficult matter to begin with, and it doesn’t always get easier when a couple separates or divorces.  In a high-conflict parenting situation – where every phone call or text message can become a spark that ignites an angry explosion – communication after a separation or divorce often becomes worse rather than improving.

So how can a mother and father in a high-conflict relationship learn to effectively communicate after their marriage has ended and they are living apart?  Obviously, there is no easy answer.  The road might continue to be rocky in the days ahead, and you may never be able to communicate as well as you’d like — but by employing a concept known as “Parallel Parenting” you can learn how to communicate better, and co-parent more effectively.

WHAT IS PARALLEL PARENTING?

Parallel Parenting is a form of co-parenting where a mother and father learn how to reduce the level of conflict by disengaging from each other.  They actually communicate less, and the communication takes place in a more structured manner, such as by email.  Often, in a high-conflict child custody litigation, the Court will step in and order the mom and dad to abide by a parallel parenting arrangement.  But parents are also free to employ this method on their own, without a court order.  Typically, a parallel parenting arrangement includes some or all of the following:

  • Communication between parents must be by email, rather than by phone, text message, or in person.  This allows the parents to think first and avoid making a knee-jerk comment that may be hurtful or angry — which is wise, because any remark you put in an email could later be read by a judge, and it might come back to bite you.
  • The parenting-time schedule must be in writing and strictly enforced.  No flexibility.  No trading days or weekends.  No negotiation.  Just stick to the schedule.  Since both parents know that they must stick to the schedule there is less opportunity for conflict and hostility.
  • The parents may keep a log of the children’s activities and/or medical issues during their scheduled time.  Then the parent who has the children will then give the updated log to the other parent at the end of his or her parenting time, when the children are exchanged.  Sending a log back and forth is a good way for the parents to keep each other informed about how the children are doing, while at the same time minimizing personal contact.  But the hard-and-fast rule for writing a log is this:  No editorializing.  No sarcastic comments.  No put-downs.  Just stick to the facts.
  • Each parent is responsible for obtaining information from the children’s school, including report cards, schedules, etc.  The parents should attend parent-teacher conference, performances, and events separately and have as little contact with each other as possible.
  • The parents should take turns having the children for birthdays; or split the day so that each parent has his/her separate time with the birthday boy or girl.  Parents should not attend birthday parties together if they cannot get along — and if they do they should remain cordial and have as little contact with each other as possible, so as to reduce conflict and spare the children the disappointment of having their special day ruined by their parents fighting.
  • Each parent must come to terms with the fact that during the time the children are in the care of the other parent they may be on a different schedule, have different bedtimes, eat different foods, participate in different activities, and be disciplined in a different manner.  Obviously, neglect or abuse by a parent cannot be tolerated.  But, short of a dangerous situation, you may have to accept that your “ex” has a much different parenting style than your own, and that it’s OK.  If you parent consistently, then the children will know what to expect when in your home.
  • It can be helpful for the parents to meet on a regular basis (monthly, quarterly, or every six months) with a counselor, a child psychologist, or a Parenting Coordinator to discuss problem issues and/or to learn how to stay on the same page in parenting their mutual children.  An expert can provide useful information and ideas, while helping the parents learn to communicate better and reduce the level of conflict
  • Above all, the parents should not place the children in the middle of their marital or post-marital problems.  Parents should not argue in the presence of the children.  They should not badmouth the other parent to the children.  They should not talk to them inappropriately about their legal case or show them court documents.  And they should not use the children as messengers or go-betweens to communicate with the other parent.  Remember, you are the parent.  Your job is to protect the children.  So, let the kids be kids, and keep them out of your adult disputes.

Parallel Parenting is often the best and sometimes the only way for high-conflict couples to co-parent.  It is not uncommon that, with the passage of time, the conflict between the parties will calm and the situation will improve to the point where they are able to communicate without anger and begin to co-parent cooperatively.

If you are caught up in a high-conflict situation and want to increase the odds that your children will grow up to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults then you should consider learning the technique of “Parallel Parenting.

 

 

Gary J. Frank is a Family Law Attorney and Mediator with over thirty years of experience in dealing in divorcecustody, legal decision-making, and parenting-time issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  In addition to representing Family Law clients in litigation, we are also willing to help people by working with them on a Limited-Scope or Consultation-Only basis.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  We can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach us through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today.  We’d be happy to help.

 

AS A FATHER’S ROLE HAS CHANGED, SO HAS THE LAW


It’s Father’s Day, and I plan to celebrate.  My children are now grown, but while they were growing up I was the type of father who changed diapers, stayed up with a sick kid in the middle of the night, attended every school conference and event, and went to all doctors’ appointments.  I helped with homework, coached my kids’ baseball and softball teams and, regardless of my workload, I made sure to spend lots of time with my family, including one-on-one time with each of the children.
 
I’m not alone.  There are plenty of dads out there who do the very same thing for their children.  And the courts are beginning to take notice.  Over the past year, Arizona and many other states have made revisions to their Family Law statutes to make it easier for involved fathers to obtain equal decision-making and parenting-time rights with their children.  

For decades, courts across the country almost automatically gave custody of young children to mothers, often applying what was known as the “Tender Years Doctrine” – a sexist legal theory based on the philosophy that mothers are, by nature, nurturers and fathers are breadwinners.  This viewpoint was not only flawed – it was discriminatory against both sexes.  It was unfair to the many loving, nurturing, fathers who were involved in every facet of their children’s lives, yet were not given equal parenting-time and decision-making rights.  It was also unfair to mothers, since this ignorant belief was used as a basis for oppressing women and depriving them of formal education and equality in the workplace.   
 
But society is changing.  Today’s fathers view themselves differently than fathers of past generations.  More and more, fathers today see themselves as equal partners in parenting their children. Fathers of my generation were locked into their role as providers.  They worked all day, and often late into the night, to support their family.  When they came home, they typically played with the kids and helped with discipline, but it was the mother’s responsibility to raise the children.  However, many of today’s fathers are different – they still play with their children and discipline them when necessary, but modern fathers also nurture their offspring and share in child care responsibilities.  A recent Pew Research study determined that there are currently more than two million stay-at-home dads in America — a number which is certain to grow as women continue to achieve equality in the workforce.  And that figure is dwarfed by the number of fathers who care for children in nuclear families, and single (divorced or never-married) fathers who co-parent with the children’s mother.
 
Study after study has been published over the past several years demonstrating the importance of fathers in their children’s lives.  Children without the benefit of involved fathers have a higher incidence of poverty, criminal activity and mental health problems.  Children whose fathers are part of their lives tend to graduate from college in higher numbers.  The importance of a father’s impact on his children cannot be overstated. 
 
Increasingly, today’s fathers are stepping up to the plate and sharing the responsibility of raising their children — and in response, modern divorce and custody laws are changing to reflect a father’s contribution.  Now, when fathers have been significantly involved in their children’s upbringing, they are much more likely to be awarded equal decision-making and parenting time by the courts.
 

Happy Father’s Day! 


 
Gary J. Frank is a Family Law Attorney, a litigator, and a mediator with over thirty years of experience in dealing with divorce, paternity, custody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  In addition to representing Family Law clients in litigation, we are also willing to help people by working with them on a Limited-Scope or Consultation-Only basis.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  We can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach us through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today.  We’d be happy to help.
 

IS ARIZONA’S NEW “CUSTODY” LAW HURTING CHILDREN?

During the past year, Arizona Family Law statues were revised.  Some legal experts believe the changes reflect a trend in Arizona, and in many other states, to use 50/50 decision-making and parenting-time as a starting point in assessing the parenting arrangement. 

In Arizona, the new revisions removed the word “custody” from the Family Law statutes entirely, and replaced it with the terms “legal decision-making” and “parenting-time.”  Other significant revisions to the law were made, as well.  For instance, both the old statute and the new one provide a list of factors that the court shall consider in deciding legal decision-making and parenting time.  For many years, the judge would consider “whether one parent, both parents, or neither parent has provided primary care of the child.”  But that factor was removed when the statute was revised.  Now the judge is required to consider “the past, present, and potential future relationship between the parent and the child.”  
The reason this is important is that while, in the past, the judge would consider which parent had actually provided “primary care” of the children, the new statute places an emphasis on other parent’s potentialfor being able to care for them.  There is some logic to the change.  When two people are married they may have the luxury of being able to have one parent stay at home, or work part-time, and provide primary care of the children; however, after the divorce both parents will probably have to work full-time, and each will become a “single parent.”  If both parents are working full-time, then an equal parenting arrangement might make sense.  But, in my opinion, there is a danger in making a blanket assumption that such an arrangement would be best for the children.  Examining a parent’s capability is fine; but relying on a parent’s “potential” can be speculative, since it is based on supposition and not fact.  The reason one parent was primarily in charge of parenting during the marriage may have had less to do with work schedules than the fact that the “other parent” was not as interested in, or not as capable of, being an active and engaged parent.  To give that parent equal decision-making, and equal parenting-time, would be contrary to the children’s best interests.
The big question is whether Arizona’s statutory revision will have the effect of making 50/50 the “default” parenting arrangement, or the “starting point” in the Court’s analysis.  In my own experience – and according to attorneys with whom I have spoken — that is exactly what is happening in many cases.  Today a judge might start with a 50/50 arrangement in mind, and move from there to more parenting- time and/or decision-making for mother, or for father, depending on the facts and circumstances of the case. 
The change brings Arizona in line with many other states, but I believe this shift in philosophy is a mistake.  While “best interests of the child” is still the deciding factor in a judge’s decision, I am concerned that courts are increasingly moving in the direction of a “template” decision that applies across the board and will be ordered unless a litigant can prove that using the template would be harmful to the children.  Rather than using a “template,” or a “starting point,” or “default” option, the Court should judge each case on its own merits, without any preconceived notions.  To do otherwise could lead to a decision that does not truly serve the “best interests” of the children.  It might even lead to a decision that hurts them.
We must keep in mind that “Children’s Rights” should always trump “Parents’ Rights.” 

Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  His office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  He can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach him through his website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today. 

HOW TO USE AN ATTORNEY AS A CONSULTANT, AND SAVE MONEY

It is true that a lawyer can provide useful legal advice, helpful guidance, and strong representation for anyone involved in a Family Law case,  However, not everyone chooses to retain and attorney — and not everyone can afford one.  Fortunately, there are a number of options for obtaining the services of an attorney, and some of those options are very affordable.  One of the most effective, and least expensive, ways to utilize an attorney is to use him or her as a consultant on an as-needed basis.
OBTAINING A LEGAL CONSULTATION
Representing yourself in a contested Family Law action presents an enormous challenge.  Parties to litigation are expected to understand the law and rules of Family Law procedure.  The fact that you are a layman, and not a lawyer, is no excuse for violating procedural rules.  Imagine trying to play in a basketball game without knowing the rules.  The coach calls your name, but when you walk on the court you don’t know how to dribble or pass the ball, or even which basket to shoot at.  That’s the kind of disadvantage you have when you walk into a courtroom as a “pro se” (self-represented) litigant.  You may wind up losing your case without ever knowing why, or how, it happened.  Obviously, it is best to be represented by legal counsel.  But not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to afford to retain an attorney on an ongoing basis.  So, what is the next best thing?  Seek a one-time consultation with an attorney.  In that meeting, which customarily takes place in the lawyer’s office, you will have the opportunity to discuss your specific matter with an expert.  The attorney will describe how the court process works and talk to you about your legal rights. He or she can help you identify the documents (called “exhibits”) and the witnesses that you will need to prove your case.  The attorney can also devise a “game plan” and help you map out a strategy for making a strong argument in court.  This is the time to ask questions, so that you can feel confident going forward.  When the consultation is over and you walk out of that lawyer’s office you should have a much better idea of the law, your legal rights, and how to present your case in the best possible light.
FOLLOW-UP CONSULTATIONS
During the course of the litigation (which can last for several months, or even a year or more) new issues, and new questions, will likely arise.  When this happens, you can follow up by obtaining additional consultations with an attorney, as necessary.  It is important to remember that since the attorney is not representing you in the litigation, he or she will have no obligation to stay updated with the facts and legal issues of your case or perform work on your behalf.  However, by using an attorney to provide you with basic advice from time to time, you will still be far better off than if you were to try to figure things out by yourself, without any legal guidance.
ASSISTANCE IN PREPARING FOR MEDIATION OR SETTLEMENT NEGOTIATIONS
Parties to a divorce or custody dispute would be well-advised to explore the possibility of resolving their issues through mediation or settlement negotiations, rather than fighting it out in court.  No matter how strong your case may be, there is always a risk that the judge might see things differently, and you may lose.  Resolving the case through negotiation gives you the opportunity to carve out the terms of your own agreement, rather than allowing a judge to decide what is best for you and your family.  People who are able to negotiate their own agreement tend to be happier with the arrangement.  Why?  Because it is their agreement.  They made it.  And they “own” it.  It wasn’t imposed upon them by a judge who is a stranger to the parents and the children.
Although mediation (or a settlement conference) is a great alternative to battling it out in court, many people reduce their chances for success by walking into the negotiation session without proper preparation.  This is a serious mistake.  In that meeting you will be dealing with crucial issues, such as custody of children, legal decision-making, parenting time, financial support, and division of property.  Lack of preparation could cause you to overlook things that are important, or it could lead you to make compromises that are not in your best interest.  Not being prepared could also cause you to become so fearful of making a bad deal that you are unable to make a deal at all — and then you miss an opportunity to avoid a contentious trial and reach an agreement that is fair for everybody.  These types of mistakes, due to lack of preparation, can have drastic long-term consequences.   As the old saying goes, “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”
For an affordable fee you can obtain a consultation with an attorney to help you prepare for your upcoming mediation or settlement conference.  The attorney will review your legal paperwork, financial documents, and/or other important information, and talk to you about the facts of your case, as well as your needs, your goals, and your wishes.  The attorney can also help you formulate your settlement position and devise a negotiating strategy.  By the time you walk out of that lawyer’s office, you should feel more confident in your ability to negotiate on your own behalf.
USING AN ATTORNEY TO HELP YOU PREPARE DOCUMENTS
For someone going through a simple uncontested divorce, the Maricopa County Superior Court Self Service Center provides forms that can be downloaded online, for free.  These forms can be found at www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/ssc.  Hard copies of the forms can be picked up at the courthouse.  However, figuring out how to fill out those forms and navigate your way through the court process can be a daunting and confusing task.  A certified document preparer can fill out your forms but is not allowed to give you legal advice. On the other hand, for the price of an affordable consultation, you can meet with a licensed attorney who will not only check to make sure you have filled out your forms properly, but will also explain your legal rights and describe how the court process works.  You may not have the resources to retain an attorney on an ongoing basis in your Family Law matter, but by using an attorney from time-to-time as a consultant you will have an expert to help guide you through the process.
YOU CAN AFFORD AN ATTORNEY
Utilizing an attorney as a consultant on an as-needed basis allows you to control your costs.  For someone who does not wish to hire a full-time attorney, or for someone who cannot afford one, obtaining legal consultations from time-to-time can pay great dividends.  The attorney can assist you in many ways, including explaining the law; advising you of your legal rights; guiding you through the court process; assisting you in planning your strategy; drafting motions or other documents that you may need to file; and helping you to prepare for mediation, court hearings and/or the trial.  Using an attorney as a consultant is an affordable option, and a very good one.
Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  In addition to representing Family Law clients in litigation, we are also willing to help people by working with them on a Limited-Scope or Consultation-Only basis.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  We can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach us through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today.  We’d be happy to help.

WHO CARES HOW I DRESS FOR COURT? — WELL . . . MAYBE THE JUDGE.

A person came into my office the other day for a “second opinion.”  And he asked me this:

“My attorney advised me that for my custody trial next month, I should cut my hair, trim my beard, and trade my T-shirt and jeans for a nice shirt and slacks.  I find that advice insulting.  I’m a good guy and a good parent, so why should it matter?”

Here was the answer I gave him:

“I believe you, and I would accept you just the way you are.  On the other hand, I’m not the one holding your fate in his hands.  Your future as a parent is in the hands of the person in the long, black robe – the Superior Court Judge.  

It’s true that we should never form an impression of others based upon appearance alone – but people do it all the time.  It’s human nature.  And judges are human.  Some judges may not be concerned about your appearance – but other judges might.  There are judges who view it as disrespectful when a litigant walks into the courtroom in jeans and a T-shirt.   If you happen to appear before a judge who feels that way, then you could find yourself “behind-the-eight-ball” before you ever open your mouth.

So, why take the chance?   

Your lawyer gave you good advice.  It’s probably not because the lawyer doesn’t like the way you look.  It’s because your lawyer is your advocate and he or she wants to assure that you do everything possible to make a good impression on the Court. 

Here’s myadvice . . . It’s up to you, but before you make your decision, keep this in mind:  Like it or not, the judge is the person who has the power to determine your fate, and your children’s future.”
Gary Frank, has been a courtroom litigator in the Family Law arena for over thirty years, and is a strong and committed advocate for his clients.  In addition to being a litigation attorney, Mr. Frank has acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tem in the Maricopa County Superior Court.  This has given him an understanding of the inner-workings of the court, and a unique perspective  that most attorneys lack.  He has also acted, for many years, as a professional mediator of Family Law disputes.   We handle a full range of Family Law matters, including divorce, custody, legal decision-making, parenting time, spousal maintenance, child support, division of property and assets, modification and enforcement actions, as well paternity/maternity cases, grandparent or non-parent custody and visitation actions, and relocation/move-away cases.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to give our office a call today at 602-383-3610; or feel free to contact us through our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com; or by email at [email protected]   We’d be happy to help you.

TEN TIPS FOR SURVIVING YOUR DIVORCE — AND THRIVING

This year is coming to a close.   If you are in the middle of a divorce – or if you are getting ready to go through one – the next twelve months could be tough.  So, here are some simple guidelines to make the journey less difficult.

1.   Keep your children out of the middle of your dispute

Research shows that children of divorce can grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults.  However, the research also shows that children of high-conflict divorces can develop emotional problems that last a lifetime.  It can be devastating for a child to be caught in the middle of a dispute between parents.  You love your children.  That’s a given.  But loving your children is not enough.  You need to protect them from the emotional turmoil that you, as parents, may be going through.  This is an enormous challenge.  The key is to keep the children out of the middle of your dispute.  Don’t use them as messengers.  Don’t make them witness angry arguments between the parents.  Let them know the divorce is not their fault, and that both parents will continue to love them and take care of them, even after the divorce.

2.            Allow your child to love the other parent

When a marriage comes apart and emotions are at a boiling point, it is easy for a parent to make the mistake of voicing his or her displeasure with the other parent to the children.  Sometimes this leads to a war of words, with each parent feeling the need to “defend” himself / herself by badmouthing the other.  But here’s a warning:  Clinical research shows that this type of behavior can cause serious emotional problems for children.  They need to be able to love both of their parents.  So give them your permission.  You would probably place your life on the line to protect your children from a stranger who tried to hurt them.  Then why wouldn’t you make every effort to protect your children from your own anger and toxic feelings toward their other parent?    

3.            Don’t give your child too much information 


Of course, it is important to be honest with your children – but giving them information that is not age-appropriate, or talking to them about details of your divorce that they are incapable of emotionally processing, can be harmful and destructive.   Don’t talk to your children about the legal issues of your divorce.  Don’t show them your court paperwork.  Don’t share adult information with young children.  If you need to vent or get your feelings off your chest, turn to a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist.  Keep your children out of the loop.  Let them be children.    

4.            Try to be flexible 

Parenting-time disputes can be the cause of much stress, especially during the holidays.  You can save yourself a lot of grief by trying to be flexible.  Being flexible is not a sign of weakness.  It sends a message that you are willing to compromise.  Extending an olive branch often leads to the other parenting being willing to compromise, too.  Parents who refuse to be flexible can find themselves locked in a never-ending battle; and instead of being able to solve their own problems they tend to return to court over-and-over again, putting their fate in the hands of lawyers and judges. 

 

5.            Don’t rely on “legal advice” from your friends 

Don’t believe everything your hear, especially when it comes from a friend or family member who is trying to give you advice about legal matters.  Everyone knows a friend whose own divorce was a nightmare and promises that your outcome will be terrible, too; or one who insists that your judge will give you everything you want because your custody case is a “slam-dunk.”  Receiving legal advice from a friend or family member can be a huge mistake, since tends to give you false expectations.  If you want good, solid legal advice about your divorce or custody case, talk to a lawyer who specializes in Family Law.

 
6.            Choose a lawyer wisely 


One of the most important decisions you will ever make is finding the right attorney.   Many people who are embroiled in a family law dispute say, “I’m going to hire the meanest, most aggressive, attorney I can find.”   That usually works – for the lawyer.  If the lawyer is only mean, or only aggressive, then the result will probably be a long, contentious, and expensive litigation.  That means more money for the lawyer.  Your money!  What you really want is a highly qualified attorney, one who is looking out for your interests.  The best attorney is someone who is skilled and experienced; someone who will fight for your rights — but who is also looking for ways to resolve the matter peacefully, if at all possible.  Most importantly, you should select an attorney who is a good match for you, and who makes you feel comfortable and confident.

 

7.            Be willing to compromise


Court litigation is, by nature, an adversarial process.  It can take a long time and cost a lot of money – and in the end, the final decision will be made by a judge who is a stranger to both parties.   Therefore, in any divorce or custody litigation, your goal should be to negotiate a solution that meets your needs and the needs of the children.  You can save yourself a great deal of time and money, and avoid much stress, by being willing to make reasonable compromises.  People who are able to negotiate a fair resolution of their dispute tend to be much happier with the arrangement in the long run.


8.            Talk to someone you can trust


A person going through the turmoil of divorce or custody case can benefit from a strong support system.  If you are struggling with a divorce, or if you are caught in a highly contested custody case, find someone to talk to. Whether it is with a family member, a friend, someone from your church, or a therapist, talking about your feelings is a healthy outlet.   There are also many divorce and single-parent support groups in your community that will welcome you and help you understand that you are not alone.  

9.            Take care of yourself

You can’t take proper care of your family if you don’t take care of yourself.  So take time to exercise.  Join a yoga class.  Meet a friend for dinner.  Or just spend some “down-time” relaxing at home. — Good nutrition, vigorous exercise, plenty of sleep and relaxation, lots of love and laughter — these are the keys to surviving a divorce and thriving.  Taking care of yourself will help you get through this tough time in your life.  It’s a wise investment.

 

10.         Know that there is life after divorce


It may not seem like it now, but rest assured that there is, indeed, life after divorce – and it can be great.  It will certainly be an adjustment, and it will take a commitment on your part, but getting out of an unhappy marriage, making new friends, and taking control of your physical and mental health, can give you a new perspective and lead to a happier life.

Best wishes for a healthy and happy New Year!

 

The law firm of Gary J. Frank P.C. offers strong advocacy for clients involved in all areas of Family Law, including disputes involving divorce, custody (legal decision-making), parenting time, interstate custody or visitation, grandparent and non-parent custody and visitation, division of property and businesses, spousal and child support, modification of existing orders, enforcement of orders, relocation / move-away cases, paternity, guardianships, and other matters involving children and families.  Gary Frank is also an experienced Family Law Mediator who can help you resolve your dispute without the need for fighting in court.  With more than thirty years of experience as a courtroom litigator, as well as a mediator and a former Judge Pro Tem, Mr. Frank brings skill, compassion, and a depth of understanding to each matter he handles, and each client that he represents.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, Arizona, and we have satellite office in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley to more conveniently serve our clients.  You can reach us by telephone at 602-383-3610 or by email at [email protected].  You can also check us out on our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com.

YOU CAN OBTAIN A DIVORCE WITHOUT EVER STEPPING FOOT IN A COURTROOM

For many people, the scariest part of getting a divorce is having to walk into court and appear before a judge.  But did you know that there is a way to obtain a divorce without ever stepping foot in a courtroom?  It’s true.
When I began practicing law, it was impossible to obtain a divorce without at least one party appearing in court and providing testimony.  Even when a couple had reached an agreement on all their issues, one of them was required to appear before a judge and testify under oath.  But that is no longer necessary.
 
Resolving a divorce case can involve having to negotiate many different issues.  These could include division of property, division of debts, legal decision-making (custody), parenting time, child support, spousal maintenance, and other matters.  Parties who cannot come to an agreement have no choice but to battle it out at trial.  This can be a long and expensive process, with the final decision being left to the judge.  However, for those who are able to take matters into their own hands and negotiate a resolution of the issues, finalizing their divorce can be a simple matter.
The Maricopa County Superior Court has a “Consent Decree” procedure which allows parties to submit their final Decree / Settlement Agreement to the judge without having to make a personal appearance in court.  In order to use this procedure, the parties must be in complete agreement on all the terms of their divorce.  A written Consent Decree must be prepared, and it must be signed and notarized by the parties.  The Consent Decree must contain the terms of the parties’ agreement, as well as the necessary jurisdictional language required by Arizona law.  Both parties must have paid an appearance fee to the Clerk of Court, or had the fee waived.  The signed Consent Decree must then be delivered to the judge assigned to the case.  If the judge deems the terms of the Consent Decree to be fair and reasonable then she/he will sign the document, the Consent Decree will then be filed with the Clerk — and the divorce will be finalized without the parties ever having to appear in court.

For couples who are able to negotiate a resolution of their issues, the “Consent Decree” procedure can make divorce a relatively painless process.


Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  His office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  He can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach him through his website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to contact us today.

 

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T AFFORD A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY, YOU’RE PROBABLY WRONG

If you think you can’t afford a Family Law Attorney, you’re probably wrong.  Consider what’s at stake:  Your children.  Your assets.  Your future.  Placing these important matters in the hands of an experienced professional, rather than taking a do-it-yourself approach, is likely to pay dividends.  While it is true that contested divorce and/or custody cases can become expensive, there are strategies you can utilize which are designed to maximize the odds of a favorable outcome, while minimizing the cost.

FIND A QUALITY ATTORNEY:

When hiring a Family Law Attorney look for someone with extensive experience and an excellent reputation.  One good way of doing this is to ask for a recommendation from a therapist, a counselor, other attorneys, or people you know who have gone through a divorce or custody case.  When you have narrowed your search, meet and talk with the attorney to make sure you are comfortable with him or her.  Prepare a list of questions to ask at your consultation, so that you can make sure you understand how the process works and what the attorney will be doing for you.  If you do not feel a sense of trust and confidence in the attorney, find another.   A strong, experienced attorney may have a higher hourly rate than an inexperienced or sloppy one, but he will not spend his time – and your money – “spinning his wheels.”  He knows what needs to be done, and how to do it.  

LOOK FOR WAYS TO NEGOTIATE:

When a person becomes embroiled in a heated divorce or custody dispute, it is easy to simply “shut-down” and refuse to communicate.  This is a recipe for a lengthy and expensive litigation.  Certainly, there are times when you need to stand your ground and fight (for instance, you wouldn’t want to give joint decision-making authority and equal parenting time to a child abuser); however, in the vast majority of cases a negotiated solution is possible, and it’s likely to be the quicker, less expensive, and better option.  There are a number of dispute resolution alternatives that you can use to simplify the process and save money.  These include private mediation, court ordered ADR conferences, and settlement conferences conducted by a judge pro tempore   You can also set up a settlement meeting with the parties and their attorneys.  

By being willing to negotiate, you take control of the situation rather than placing your life in the hands of a judge who doesn’t know you and has only a limited amount of time to hear your case.  When parties to a divorce or custody case are able to successfully negotiate their own resolution, they tend to “own it” and are happier with the outcome in the long run.  They have “built a bridge” and learned to communicate.  Therefore, they are less likely to run back to court, and spend their hard-earned money on attorneys, whenever a future dispute arises. 

It helps to view mediation or a settlement conference as a business negotiation.  Taking strong emotions out of the equation allows you to view things more objectively and make better decisions.  Your attorney can assist you in preparing for the negotiation, so that when you walk into the meeting you will be confident and well-organized.  This will increase your chances for success. If the negotiation doesn’t result in a settlement, your attorney is standing by, ready to go to battle for you.  However, a strong, experienced attorney who is looking out for your best interests can often save you tens-of-thousands-of-dollars by helping you reach a favorable settlement and avoid a lengthy, contentious, expensive litigation. 

CONSIDER “LIMITED SCOPE” REPRESENTATION:

If you have a relatively simple matter, or if you cannot afford an attorney to represent you on a full-time basis, you can still make effective use of an attorney by having him or her assist you on a “Limited Scope” basis (sometimes referred to as “unbundled services”).  Lawyers in Arizona are now allowed to assist a party by performing a particular service, such as writing a letter, or participating in a deposition, or drafting a legal document to be filed with the court, or even by appearing on the client‘s behalf for just one hearing.  This procedure requires the attorney and client to enter into a written agreement specifying the action to be performed.  Thereafter, the lawyer files a Notice of Limited Scope Representation and appears in the case for the purpose of providing the service described in the agreement and the Notice.  When that service has been completed, the lawyer files another notice and withdraws from the matter, and the attorney-client relationship is terminated.  If the lawyer is needed later in the case, he can once again become involved, but a new attorney-client agreement and Notice of Limited Scope Representation is necessary.  By using an attorney on a Limited Scope basis you are able to save money, since the attorney is working only on a specified project and is not representing you in the case as a whole. 


USING AN ATTORNEY AS A CONSULTANT:

If you cannot afford full-time legal representation in a Family Law litigation, you might consider using an attorney as a consultant.  You can do this by scheduling consultations with the attorney, as-needed, in order to help you understand the process, so that you can effectively represent yourself.  The lawyer does not represent you in your case.  Rather, you are going in for advice, from time to time.

When a litigant steps into the courtroom, he or she is expected to understand the applicable law and the proper procedure.  This is where many self-represented litigants get lost.  The result can be disastrous.  Presenting a legal case is not simply a matter of writing a letter to the court, or standing before the judge and telling your story.  There are rules of procedure, and rules of evidence, and you need to know what documents to file and when to file them.  There are also time limitations.  Imagine stepping on a baseball field to play in a game without knowing the rules.  Which end of the bat do I use?  What is a “Ball” or a “Strike?”  After I hit the ball, which way do I run?  In court, just like in a sporting event, there are rules to the game, and if you don’t know those rules you are at a huge disadvantage.  This is why so many self-represented litigants come into the courtroom full of hope, and walk out distraught, having suffered a terrible outcome, and feeling as if they were never heard.  They lost because they didn’t know the rules of the game.

Presenting an effective argument to the court requires much thought and a great deal of organization and preparation.  For instance, it is not enough simply state that your opponent is lying about his income, or that you earn less now than you did the last time you were in court.  You must have documentary proofin the form of tax returns, W-2’s, pay stubs, bank statements, and/or other income information.  Putting together the necessary proof and presenting your argument in a persuasive manner are critical to achieving a successful outcome.  This is where a consultation with an attorney can be of great value. 

In a consultation, the attorney can help you understand the law and your legal rights.  He can help you learn the rules of court.  He can help you put together your documents and organize the evidence in a manner that will allow you to prove your case.  Finally, the attorney can assist you in determining the best way to present your argument to the judge. 

 There are many ways in which you can use an attorney to help you achieve a favorable result in your Family Law Case.  It’s not only wealthy people who can afford a good lawyer.  You can, too.

Gary Frank, has been a courtroom litigator in the Family Law arena for over thirty years, and is a strong and committed advocate for his clients.  In addition to being a litigation attorney, Mr. Frank has acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tem in the Maricopa County Superior Court.  This has given him an understanding of the inner-workings of the court, and a unique perspective  that most attorneys lack.  He has also acted, for many years, as a professional mediator of Family Law disputes.   We handle a full range of Family Law matters, including divorce, custody, legal decision-making, parenting time, spousal maintenance, child support, division of property and assets, modification and enforcement actions, as well paternity/maternity cases, grandparent or non-parent custody and visitation actions, and relocation/move-away cases.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to give our office a call today at 602-383-3610; or feel free to contact us through our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com; or by email at [email protected]   We’d be happy to help you.


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