WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY LAW, “THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS”

People seem to always pine for the “good old days.”  And, sure, there is plenty to complain about today, but America in 2015 is far more tolerant, compassionate, and evolved than at any time in U.S. History — or maybe even human history.
 
When I was growing up in the 1960’s . . . 
 
 Cohabitation was scandalous;

A female who had sex before marriage was a “slut” (but the same was not true for a male – after all, he was just being a guy);
 
Children born out of wedlock were referred to as “bastards” and were shunned by society through no fault of their own;
 
Interracial marriage was against the law in most states.  An interracial couple could be arrested, convicted, and sentenced to prison for the mere “crime” of falling in love and getting married;

Bi-racial children were shunned, too;
 
Interfaith marriage was considered an abomination – couples who married outside of their faith were often excommunicated from their church and disowned by their families;
 
Gay marriage was not even something people could dream about.  Sodomy laws were in place in every state, making homosexuality illegal.  And those laws were used to prosecute gays.  “Coming out of the closet” meant risking becoming the victim of societal abuse, both legal and physical;
 
Divorce was not just frowned-upon – the law made it almost impossible to get out of a bad marriage.  It was not enough to show that the parties were no longer in love or that they found it impossible to live together.  To obtain a legal divorce required a husband or wife to prove sufficient “grounds,” such as abandonment, abuse, or infidelity.  Women often came away from divorce impoverished, regardless of the lifestyle they enjoyed during the marriage.  And to be a divorced person, or a child of divorce, was seen as a public embarrassment;

Mothers were almost always awarded sole custody of the children by the divorce court.  And regardless of how active and involved a father might have been in his children’s lives – he was given only “visitation”;  

Domestic violence was rampant, as it is today.  But, back then, it was considered a parent’s right to keep his or her children in line by the use of corporal punishment, however severe.  And if a man chose to abuse his wife it was viewed as a family matter, and nobody else’s business;
 
Women had few employment opportunities.  “A Woman’s Place is in the Home” was not just a saying – societal rules were built to make sure that women remained economically helpless and subservient.  Universities had quotas for women and many jobs were off-limits, including executive-level positions in banks and corporations.  Women, no matter how capable and intelligent, were offered employment mainly as factory workers, teachers, administrators, or secretaries.  There was no “glass-ceiling” for women — instead, the ceiling was made of concrete.   So were the walls.  To break through those barriers took a herculean effort;  

For a father to stay at home and take care of the children was unheard of — it was not considered “manly.”  Fathers were locked into the role of “Provider.”  And being the sole source of income for the family was a responsibility that left little time for dads to be loving, nurturing parents to their children. 



Looking back on the “idyllic days “of the past is a fantasy.  The “good old days” weren’t really so good.  In fact, in many ways, life has never been better than it is right now.  

Want to know the truth?   These are the “good old days.”

 

Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  In addition to representing Family Law clients in litigation, we are also willing to help people by working with them on a Limited-Scope or Consultation-Only basis.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  We can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach us through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, contact us today.  We’d be happy to help.

 

 

IS THE “COHABITATION EFFECT” REAL? — JUST USE YOUR COMMON-SENSE

They call it the “Cohabitation Effect”  — study after study performed over the past forty years has found that that living together before marriage leads to a much higher risk of divorce.   Some researchers have concluded that the risk of divorce is 33% higher for people who cohabit before marriage than for those who elect not to live together until they are married.

But wait — statistics sometimes lie . . . or maybe the problem is that experts can look at a set of statistics and come to an erroneous conclusion.

In a recent study the nonpartisan Council on Contemporary Families looked deeper into all the old statistics and found something different.  They concluded that the age of a couple when they move in together is a stronger predictor of divorce than simple cohabitation.  The longer a couple waits to make such a serious commitment, the better the chance that the marriage will last.

Of course, it’s just common-sense.  A couple of 25-30 year-olds who decide to live together are more likely to have a lasting relationship than two 18 year-olds.  They’re older, wiser, more mature, and probably more financially independent.

Do we really need an expensive research study to provide the same advice that our grandparents would have given us for free?

Wait until you’re ready.”    


http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/

Gary J. Frank is an attorney and mediator with over thirty years of Family Law experience in dealing in divorcecustody, and parenting issues. For many years he acted as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Maricopa County Superior Court, which gave him an insight into the inner workings of the courts that many attorneys lack.  His office is located in the Biltmore area of central Phoenix, with satellite offices in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley, Arizona.  He can be reached by telephone (602-383-3610); or by email at [email protected]  You can also reach him through his website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to contact us today.

SINGLE MOTHERS ARE HEROES

Over the past few years a number of studies have come out which purport to show that children raised in single-parent households are more likely to live in poverty, lag behind in academics, and have more emotional problems than children raised in two-parent households.  And who is to blame for all of this?  Well, according to the interpretation of many so-called “experts” . . . it is Single Mothers.
A Google search turns up headlines such as:  “Why Do Single Parent Families Put Children At Risk?”; “Are Married Parents Really Better for Children?”; “Single Parent Families Threaten America’s Fiscal Future”; . . . and “Single Motherhood: Worse for Children.” 
Blaming single mothers is wrong.  In fact, it’s stupid.  Historically, it has been single moms who have stepped up to the plate and supported the children when fathers abandoned the family or were only peripherally involved.  Single mothers are the ones who have shouldered the responsibility of raising the children — disciplining them, getting them off to school, helping with homework, soothing them when they are sick, and taking care of all their needs.  Single mothers are the ones who have gone to work to put clothes on their children’s backs, and food on the table, when fathers are not providing support.  In many cases, mothers are the only person in their children’s lives whom they can rely on.  Why blame single mothers?
It is too easy to glance at a set of statistics and immediately look for someone to blame.  But that is exactly what the “experts” are doing.   Assessing blame in this manner requires ignoring a wide array of societal factors that contribute to childhood outcomes.  For instance, one could argue that it is poverty, and not single parenthood, that places a child “at risk.”  Single parents are more likely to be below the poverty level, for obvious reasons.  If a mother is not receiving child support from the father – or not enough child support – then it is no surprise that she and her children will struggle financially.  She will have to find a job, or maybe two, to make ends meet.  If the children are being raised in an area of town where crime is rampant, and attending a faltering school, then the odds are higher that those children will be considered “at risk.”  Is that the mother’s “fault”?  Why isn’t it the fault of the parent who has chosen to take no responsibility at all for the children?  

The fact is that in some instances the children are better off being raised by a single parent rather than living in a home with parents who are angry and hostile toward each other; or being negatively influenced by a parent who is disconnected and irresponsible, or who suffers from substance abuse or untreated mental illness — or, worse yet, who is abusive.  Those who claim that children are better off living with both a father and mother conveniently ignore the fact that many of those two-parent households are a toxic environment.  

And what about mothers who are single by choice?  If an unmarried person wants a child and is loving, capable, and able to provide a safe, nurturing home, then why should she not have a child, or adopt one?  I know an unmarried doctor who adopted and raised three happy children.  She is a knowledgeable, attentive, and devoted parent; and her children are certain to have a bright future.  I can’t imagine a married couple providing a better environment for a child.    

In truth, the vast majority of single mothers do an outstanding job of providing for their children, while balancing work and parenting.  They often shoulder the responsibility alone and still manage to provide a loving and nurturing home.  Some of the most successful people in the world today have been raised by single mothers – including the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama.

To blame single-motherhood for the ills of society is an injustice.  Single moms should receive a medal.  They are heroes.



The Law Office of Gary J. Frank has been a fixture in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, Arizona for over thirty years.  Gary Frank is a Family Law litigator, a mediator, and a former Judge Pro Tem.  Our firm handles a wide array of cases, such as divorce, custody (Legal Decision-Making and Parenting-Time), relocation, paternity, child and spousal support, division of property and businesses, modification and enforcement actions, grandparent and non-parent rights, and all matters relating to families and children.  If you are in need of a consultation contact us today.  You can reach us by telephone at 602-383-3610, or by email at [email protected], or through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  We’d be honored to help you.

Our Changing World – A Victory for Tolerance

Working mothers.  Stay-at-home dads.  Gay marriage.  Single-parent adoption.  Interracial marriage.  Interfaith marriage.  Blended families . . .

Our world, and the very concept of “Family,” is changing in ways that our grandparents never could have imagined. And it is changing for the better.

It is a victory for freedom.  A victory for tolerance.  We live in the only society in human history where something like this could be possible.

The Law Office of Gary J. Frank has been a fixture in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, Arizona for over thirty years.  Gary Frank is a Family Law litigator, a mediator, and a former Judge Pro Tem.  Our firm handles a wide array of cases, such as divorce, custody, relocation, paternity, child and spousal support, division of property and businesses, modification and enforcement actions, grandparent and non-parent rights, and all matters relating to families and children.  If you are in need of a consultation, please do not hesitate.  Contact us today.  You can reach us by telephone at 602-383-3610, or by email at [email protected], or through our website at www.garyfranklaw.com.  We’d be honored to help you.

BABY VERONICA CASE TAKES A HEARTBREAKING TWIST

I have written several times over the past year about the Baby Veronica case.  As an infant, little Veronica was given up for adoption by her birth mother after it appeared that the father had abandoned her.  However, the father. who was part Native American, later asserted his custodial rights under the Indian Child Welfare Act.  In 2011, a South Carolina family court judge ruled in favor of the father.  As a result, the child – who had now lived with her adoptive family for almost all of her two years – was ripped out of the arms of the only mother and father she had ever known.  She was placed in the car of a man who was a stranger, and was driven away.  

The adoptive parents appealed, and the decision was ultimately overturned.  An appeals court ruled that the child must be returned to the adoptive parents.  The father then appealed to the highest court in the land, the U.S. Supreme Court, which decided not to intervene.  That meant the prior ruling would stand.  It was final.  The case was over. 

Baby Veronica – who had by now lived with her biological father for more than a year, and had probably bonded with him – would have to be returned to her adoptive parents.

But that’s not the end of the story.

When the time came for the biological father to hand the child over, he was nowhere to be found.  The Sheriff’s Office in Charleston, South Carolina issued a warrant for his arrest.  On Monday, the father turned himself in.  He was taken into custody and later released on a $10,000 bond.  

Then, after his release, the father once again, disappeared — and Baby Veronica is missing.

Over the weekend, the father told CNN that he is willing to go to jail.  “I’m going to fight till I have no fight left in me and till they say you can’t fight no more. This is my daughter.  It’s not a yo-yo that I can just say, hey, I borrowed it for two years and here’s it back.”

The adoptive parents are grief-stricken.  They recently gave this statement:  “With every passing hour, we fear more and more for her safety and well-being.  If anything should happen to our daughter while she’s being left in the hands of those who hold her captive from us, the responsibility will be shared by many.”

Meanwhile, Baby Veronica remains in the eye of the hurricane.  She is the innocent victim here.  This poor child has been bounced back and forth like a ping pong ball.  Each time she has the chance to bond with an adult caregiver, she is yanked away and handed to someone else.  By now, she may have developed emotional scars that could last a lifetime.

This is a stunning example of how children can fall through the cracks of the legal system.  Father’s have rights.  Mother’s have rights.  Grandparents, and step-parents, and biological parents, and adoptive parents all have rights.  But in the process of asserting those rights, sometimes the best interests of the child are forgotten.  Sometimes, while the war is being waged in one courtroom after another, children like Baby Veronica are damaged.  And when that happens, it affects us all. 


Gary Frank, has been a courtroom litigator in the Family Law arena for over thirty years, and is a strong and committed advocate for his clients.  In addition to being a litigation attorney, Mr. Frank has acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tem in the Maricopa County Superior Court.  This has given him an understanding of the inner-workings of the court, and a unique perspective  that most attorneys lack.  He has also acted, for many years, as a professional mediator of Family Law disputes.   We handle a full range of Family Law matters, including divorce, custody / legal decision-making, parenting-time, child support, spousal maintenance, division of property and assets, modification and enforcement actions, as well paternity/maternity cases, grandparent or non-parent custody and visitation actions, and relocation/move-away cases.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to give our office a call today at 602-383-3610; or feel free to contact us through our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com; or by email at [email protected]   We’d be happy to help you.