WHO CARES HOW I DRESS FOR COURT? — WELL . . . MAYBE THE JUDGE.

A person came into my office the other day for a “second opinion.”  And he asked me this:

“My attorney advised me that for my custody trial next month, I should cut my hair, trim my beard, and trade my T-shirt and jeans for a nice shirt and slacks.  I find that advice insulting.  I’m a good guy and a good parent, so why should it matter?”

Here was the answer I gave him:

“I believe you, and I would accept you just the way you are.  On the other hand, I’m not the one holding your fate in his hands.  Your future as a parent is in the hands of the person in the long, black robe – the Superior Court Judge.  

It’s true that we should never form an impression of others based upon appearance alone – but people do it all the time.  It’s human nature.  And judges are human.  Some judges may not be concerned about your appearance – but other judges might.  There are judges who view it as disrespectful when a litigant walks into the courtroom in jeans and a T-shirt.   If you happen to appear before a judge who feels that way, then you could find yourself “behind-the-eight-ball” before you ever open your mouth.

So, why take the chance?   

Your lawyer gave you good advice.  It’s probably not because the lawyer doesn’t like the way you look.  It’s because your lawyer is your advocate and he or she wants to assure that you do everything possible to make a good impression on the Court. 

Here’s myadvice . . . It’s up to you, but before you make your decision, keep this in mind:  Like it or not, the judge is the person who has the power to determine your fate, and your children’s future.”
Gary Frank, has been a courtroom litigator in the Family Law arena for over thirty years, and is a strong and committed advocate for his clients.  In addition to being a litigation attorney, Mr. Frank has acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tem in the Maricopa County Superior Court.  This has given him an understanding of the inner-workings of the court, and a unique perspective  that most attorneys lack.  He has also acted, for many years, as a professional mediator of Family Law disputes.   We handle a full range of Family Law matters, including divorce, custody, legal decision-making, parenting time, spousal maintenance, child support, division of property and assets, modification and enforcement actions, as well paternity/maternity cases, grandparent or non-parent custody and visitation actions, and relocation/move-away cases.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to give our office a call today at 602-383-3610; or feel free to contact us through our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com; or by email at [email protected]   We’d be happy to help you.

TEN TIPS FOR SURVIVING YOUR DIVORCE — AND THRIVING

This year is coming to a close.   If you are in the middle of a divorce – or if you are getting ready to go through one – the next twelve months could be tough.  So, here are some simple guidelines to make the journey less difficult.

1.   Keep your children out of the middle of your dispute

Research shows that children of divorce can grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults.  However, the research also shows that children of high-conflict divorces can develop emotional problems that last a lifetime.  It can be devastating for a child to be caught in the middle of a dispute between parents.  You love your children.  That’s a given.  But loving your children is not enough.  You need to protect them from the emotional turmoil that you, as parents, may be going through.  This is an enormous challenge.  The key is to keep the children out of the middle of your dispute.  Don’t use them as messengers.  Don’t make them witness angry arguments between the parents.  Let them know the divorce is not their fault, and that both parents will continue to love them and take care of them, even after the divorce.

2.            Allow your child to love the other parent

When a marriage comes apart and emotions are at a boiling point, it is easy for a parent to make the mistake of voicing his or her displeasure with the other parent to the children.  Sometimes this leads to a war of words, with each parent feeling the need to “defend” himself / herself by badmouthing the other.  But here’s a warning:  Clinical research shows that this type of behavior can cause serious emotional problems for children.  They need to be able to love both of their parents.  So give them your permission.  You would probably place your life on the line to protect your children from a stranger who tried to hurt them.  Then why wouldn’t you make every effort to protect your children from your own anger and toxic feelings toward their other parent?    

3.            Don’t give your child too much information 


Of course, it is important to be honest with your children – but giving them information that is not age-appropriate, or talking to them about details of your divorce that they are incapable of emotionally processing, can be harmful and destructive.   Don’t talk to your children about the legal issues of your divorce.  Don’t show them your court paperwork.  Don’t share adult information with young children.  If you need to vent or get your feelings off your chest, turn to a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist.  Keep your children out of the loop.  Let them be children.    

4.            Try to be flexible 

Parenting-time disputes can be the cause of much stress, especially during the holidays.  You can save yourself a lot of grief by trying to be flexible.  Being flexible is not a sign of weakness.  It sends a message that you are willing to compromise.  Extending an olive branch often leads to the other parenting being willing to compromise, too.  Parents who refuse to be flexible can find themselves locked in a never-ending battle; and instead of being able to solve their own problems they tend to return to court over-and-over again, putting their fate in the hands of lawyers and judges. 

 

5.            Don’t rely on “legal advice” from your friends 

Don’t believe everything your hear, especially when it comes from a friend or family member who is trying to give you advice about legal matters.  Everyone knows a friend whose own divorce was a nightmare and promises that your outcome will be terrible, too; or one who insists that your judge will give you everything you want because your custody case is a “slam-dunk.”  Receiving legal advice from a friend or family member can be a huge mistake, since tends to give you false expectations.  If you want good, solid legal advice about your divorce or custody case, talk to a lawyer who specializes in Family Law.

 
6.            Choose a lawyer wisely 


One of the most important decisions you will ever make is finding the right attorney.   Many people who are embroiled in a family law dispute say, “I’m going to hire the meanest, most aggressive, attorney I can find.”   That usually works – for the lawyer.  If the lawyer is only mean, or only aggressive, then the result will probably be a long, contentious, and expensive litigation.  That means more money for the lawyer.  Your money!  What you really want is a highly qualified attorney, one who is looking out for your interests.  The best attorney is someone who is skilled and experienced; someone who will fight for your rights — but who is also looking for ways to resolve the matter peacefully, if at all possible.  Most importantly, you should select an attorney who is a good match for you, and who makes you feel comfortable and confident.

 

7.            Be willing to compromise


Court litigation is, by nature, an adversarial process.  It can take a long time and cost a lot of money – and in the end, the final decision will be made by a judge who is a stranger to both parties.   Therefore, in any divorce or custody litigation, your goal should be to negotiate a solution that meets your needs and the needs of the children.  You can save yourself a great deal of time and money, and avoid much stress, by being willing to make reasonable compromises.  People who are able to negotiate a fair resolution of their dispute tend to be much happier with the arrangement in the long run.


8.            Talk to someone you can trust


A person going through the turmoil of divorce or custody case can benefit from a strong support system.  If you are struggling with a divorce, or if you are caught in a highly contested custody case, find someone to talk to. Whether it is with a family member, a friend, someone from your church, or a therapist, talking about your feelings is a healthy outlet.   There are also many divorce and single-parent support groups in your community that will welcome you and help you understand that you are not alone.  

9.            Take care of yourself

You can’t take proper care of your family if you don’t take care of yourself.  So take time to exercise.  Join a yoga class.  Meet a friend for dinner.  Or just spend some “down-time” relaxing at home. — Good nutrition, vigorous exercise, plenty of sleep and relaxation, lots of love and laughter — these are the keys to surviving a divorce and thriving.  Taking care of yourself will help you get through this tough time in your life.  It’s a wise investment.

 

10.         Know that there is life after divorce


It may not seem like it now, but rest assured that there is, indeed, life after divorce – and it can be great.  It will certainly be an adjustment, and it will take a commitment on your part, but getting out of an unhappy marriage, making new friends, and taking control of your physical and mental health, can give you a new perspective and lead to a happier life.

Best wishes for a healthy and happy New Year!

 

The law firm of Gary J. Frank P.C. offers strong advocacy for clients involved in all areas of Family Law, including disputes involving divorce, custody (legal decision-making), parenting time, interstate custody or visitation, grandparent and non-parent custody and visitation, division of property and businesses, spousal and child support, modification of existing orders, enforcement of orders, relocation / move-away cases, paternity, guardianships, and other matters involving children and families.  Gary Frank is also an experienced Family Law Mediator who can help you resolve your dispute without the need for fighting in court.  With more than thirty years of experience as a courtroom litigator, as well as a mediator and a former Judge Pro Tem, Mr. Frank brings skill, compassion, and a depth of understanding to each matter he handles, and each client that he represents.  Our office is located in the Biltmore area of Phoenix, Arizona, and we have satellite office in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley to more conveniently serve our clients.  You can reach us by telephone at 602-383-3610 or by email at [email protected].  You can also check us out on our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T AFFORD A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY, YOU’RE PROBABLY WRONG

If you think you can’t afford a Family Law Attorney, you’re probably wrong.  Consider what’s at stake:  Your children.  Your assets.  Your future.  Placing these important matters in the hands of an experienced professional, rather than taking a do-it-yourself approach, is likely to pay dividends.  While it is true that contested divorce and/or custody cases can become expensive, there are strategies you can utilize which are designed to maximize the odds of a favorable outcome, while minimizing the cost.

FIND A QUALITY ATTORNEY:

When hiring a Family Law Attorney look for someone with extensive experience and an excellent reputation.  One good way of doing this is to ask for a recommendation from a therapist, a counselor, other attorneys, or people you know who have gone through a divorce or custody case.  When you have narrowed your search, meet and talk with the attorney to make sure you are comfortable with him or her.  Prepare a list of questions to ask at your consultation, so that you can make sure you understand how the process works and what the attorney will be doing for you.  If you do not feel a sense of trust and confidence in the attorney, find another.   A strong, experienced attorney may have a higher hourly rate than an inexperienced or sloppy one, but he will not spend his time – and your money – “spinning his wheels.”  He knows what needs to be done, and how to do it.  

LOOK FOR WAYS TO NEGOTIATE:

When a person becomes embroiled in a heated divorce or custody dispute, it is easy to simply “shut-down” and refuse to communicate.  This is a recipe for a lengthy and expensive litigation.  Certainly, there are times when you need to stand your ground and fight (for instance, you wouldn’t want to give joint decision-making authority and equal parenting time to a child abuser); however, in the vast majority of cases a negotiated solution is possible, and it’s likely to be the quicker, less expensive, and better option.  There are a number of dispute resolution alternatives that you can use to simplify the process and save money.  These include private mediation, court ordered ADR conferences, and settlement conferences conducted by a judge pro tempore   You can also set up a settlement meeting with the parties and their attorneys.  

By being willing to negotiate, you take control of the situation rather than placing your life in the hands of a judge who doesn’t know you and has only a limited amount of time to hear your case.  When parties to a divorce or custody case are able to successfully negotiate their own resolution, they tend to “own it” and are happier with the outcome in the long run.  They have “built a bridge” and learned to communicate.  Therefore, they are less likely to run back to court, and spend their hard-earned money on attorneys, whenever a future dispute arises. 

It helps to view mediation or a settlement conference as a business negotiation.  Taking strong emotions out of the equation allows you to view things more objectively and make better decisions.  Your attorney can assist you in preparing for the negotiation, so that when you walk into the meeting you will be confident and well-organized.  This will increase your chances for success. If the negotiation doesn’t result in a settlement, your attorney is standing by, ready to go to battle for you.  However, a strong, experienced attorney who is looking out for your best interests can often save you tens-of-thousands-of-dollars by helping you reach a favorable settlement and avoid a lengthy, contentious, expensive litigation. 

CONSIDER “LIMITED SCOPE” REPRESENTATION:

If you have a relatively simple matter, or if you cannot afford an attorney to represent you on a full-time basis, you can still make effective use of an attorney by having him or her assist you on a “Limited Scope” basis (sometimes referred to as “unbundled services”).  Lawyers in Arizona are now allowed to assist a party by performing a particular service, such as writing a letter, or participating in a deposition, or drafting a legal document to be filed with the court, or even by appearing on the client‘s behalf for just one hearing.  This procedure requires the attorney and client to enter into a written agreement specifying the action to be performed.  Thereafter, the lawyer files a Notice of Limited Scope Representation and appears in the case for the purpose of providing the service described in the agreement and the Notice.  When that service has been completed, the lawyer files another notice and withdraws from the matter, and the attorney-client relationship is terminated.  If the lawyer is needed later in the case, he can once again become involved, but a new attorney-client agreement and Notice of Limited Scope Representation is necessary.  By using an attorney on a Limited Scope basis you are able to save money, since the attorney is working only on a specified project and is not representing you in the case as a whole. 


USING AN ATTORNEY AS A CONSULTANT:

If you cannot afford full-time legal representation in a Family Law litigation, you might consider using an attorney as a consultant.  You can do this by scheduling consultations with the attorney, as-needed, in order to help you understand the process, so that you can effectively represent yourself.  The lawyer does not represent you in your case.  Rather, you are going in for advice, from time to time.

When a litigant steps into the courtroom, he or she is expected to understand the applicable law and the proper procedure.  This is where many self-represented litigants get lost.  The result can be disastrous.  Presenting a legal case is not simply a matter of writing a letter to the court, or standing before the judge and telling your story.  There are rules of procedure, and rules of evidence, and you need to know what documents to file and when to file them.  There are also time limitations.  Imagine stepping on a baseball field to play in a game without knowing the rules.  Which end of the bat do I use?  What is a “Ball” or a “Strike?”  After I hit the ball, which way do I run?  In court, just like in a sporting event, there are rules to the game, and if you don’t know those rules you are at a huge disadvantage.  This is why so many self-represented litigants come into the courtroom full of hope, and walk out distraught, having suffered a terrible outcome, and feeling as if they were never heard.  They lost because they didn’t know the rules of the game.

Presenting an effective argument to the court requires much thought and a great deal of organization and preparation.  For instance, it is not enough simply state that your opponent is lying about his income, or that you earn less now than you did the last time you were in court.  You must have documentary proofin the form of tax returns, W-2’s, pay stubs, bank statements, and/or other income information.  Putting together the necessary proof and presenting your argument in a persuasive manner are critical to achieving a successful outcome.  This is where a consultation with an attorney can be of great value. 

In a consultation, the attorney can help you understand the law and your legal rights.  He can help you learn the rules of court.  He can help you put together your documents and organize the evidence in a manner that will allow you to prove your case.  Finally, the attorney can assist you in determining the best way to present your argument to the judge. 

 There are many ways in which you can use an attorney to help you achieve a favorable result in your Family Law Case.  It’s not only wealthy people who can afford a good lawyer.  You can, too.

Gary Frank, has been a courtroom litigator in the Family Law arena for over thirty years, and is a strong and committed advocate for his clients.  In addition to being a litigation attorney, Mr. Frank has acted in the capacity of a Judge Pro Tem in the Maricopa County Superior Court.  This has given him an understanding of the inner-workings of the court, and a unique perspective  that most attorneys lack.  He has also acted, for many years, as a professional mediator of Family Law disputes.   We handle a full range of Family Law matters, including divorce, custody, legal decision-making, parenting time, spousal maintenance, child support, division of property and assets, modification and enforcement actions, as well paternity/maternity cases, grandparent or non-parent custody and visitation actions, and relocation/move-away cases.  If you are in need of a consultation regarding any area of Family Law, please do not hesitate to give our office a call today at 602-383-3610; or feel free to contact us through our web site at www.garyfranklaw.com; or by email at [email protected]   We’d be happy to help you.